The latest PR ploy sure to totally screw the driver.
Lol. Then outsource it to the Philippines and they won't look at the pictures and compliment bald men on their hair.Hey, guys… I just had a brilliant idea for a start up
.05 cents/minute to be sent reassurances that you are still a human who obviously did something right in order to have a car and phone app in the first place. You can upload your actual photo, and the system will complement you on your hair, smile, etc. (UberDignityPlus)
I am hopefully laughing with you, because I have faith that you are at least chuckling over this latest stupid pet trick.
Let us all tour the mind of an Uber exec:
Right hand: "Sir, The drivers are very upset. They are complaining around the globe about price cuts, and lack of tip options. The turnover rate is far above any car service, and many are concerned we will not be able to keep cars on the road."
UberExec: "I have a perfect solution. I will allow them to deliver artisan sandwiches and kittens! Problem solved!!! Next issue?"
UberHookerNext ad on the horizon:
People, are you tired of having to do everything for yourselves? In this modern era, there is no reason people should have to wipe their own butt. Now, thanks to innovative technology, you won't have to! Just a quick tap, and one of our starving drivers will scurry to your home and do the deed for you. Hungry? Take advantage of our two for one service offering, and order up some breakfast tacos which the driver will cheerfully bring with him to your home.
Feeling lonely? Make sure to add on a couple of kittens and puppies for your petting pleasure!
Note to drivers: do NOT use the kittens to wipe butts.
# BEGIN_AFFIRMATIONUberSitter. Tired of your snot nose brats? Hire and Uber sitter. They will come and pick up your kids take them to the park, movies and any other kid appropriate venue. You children will be returned clean and fed. $5 an hr fee with a safe kid ride of $2 that the driver never see's. No Tipping needed but be sure to give the driver a 5 star once your kids are back home.
Sorry-LoneStar Cab already has that one! Lmao!!!UberHooker
A ***** ho brought by a starving uber driver who will stick around to clean up the mess when you're done, and haul that ***** ho off to spread syphilis to some other unsuspecting fool. No need to tip the driver, a 5☆ rating is all he needs! *the hooker's rates are separate from the driver's, by all means tip the hooker!*