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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Why, you get the $3 delivery fee and a 5☆ rating! What more could you possibly want?
Minus uber's 20% on the $3, of course.
 

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$3 fee, lets say uber does not take any more then the 20% cut... $2.40. That's about what you get to take a pax 7 streets down town. No where near enough to even make it worth the effort considering they want you to go inside the restaurant and get the food then walk into the business to deliver it. Conservatively speaking 1.5 times more spent "on the job" then with a pax pick up and drop off for that 7 block ride. WOW I'm all for that I'll sign on the please screw me line.
 

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Hey Uber... I'm trying to get you to stop sending me UberX requests so I can get UberSelect requests only. Why the #### would I want requests that are an even worse deal for me than UberX? Good luck finding idiots who will do this work for you. I'm sure you'll find enough given the direction of intelligence in our society. But please stop lumping me in with the idiots. Thanks!
 

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Hey, guys… I just had a brilliant idea for a start up

UberDignity

.05 cents/minute to be sent reassurances that you are still a human who obviously did something right in order to have a car and phone app in the first place. You can upload your actual photo, and the system will complement you on your hair, smile, etc. (UberDignityPlus)

I am hopefully laughing with you, because I have faith that you are at least chuckling over this latest stupid pet trick.

Let us all tour the mind of an Uber exec:

Right hand: "Sir, The drivers are very upset. They are complaining around the globe about price cuts, and lack of tip options. The turnover rate is far above any car service, and many are concerned we will not be able to keep cars on the road."

UberExec: "I have a perfect solution. I will allow them to deliver artisan sandwiches and kittens! Problem solved!!! Next issue?"
 

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UBER eats, quite possibly the dumbest idea in the world. Maybe allow all those 2 door drivers to be UBEREATER delivery drivers. No way I'm taking a chance of shrimp scampi spilling in my car.

Dear rider presently we have no drivers as they are delivering pizzas

UBER Groceries
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Hey, guys… I just had a brilliant idea for a start up

UberDignity

.05 cents/minute to be sent reassurances that you are still a human who obviously did something right in order to have a car and phone app in the first place. You can upload your actual photo, and the system will complement you on your hair, smile, etc. (UberDignityPlus)

I am hopefully laughing with you, because I have faith that you are at least chuckling over this latest stupid pet trick.

Let us all tour the mind of an Uber exec:

Right hand: "Sir, The drivers are very upset. They are complaining around the globe about price cuts, and lack of tip options. The turnover rate is far above any car service, and many are concerned we will not be able to keep cars on the road."

UberExec: "I have a perfect solution. I will allow them to deliver artisan sandwiches and kittens! Problem solved!!! Next issue?"
Lol. Then outsource it to the Philippines and they won't look at the pictures and compliment bald men on their hair.
 

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Next ad on the horizon:

UberButtWipe

People, are you tired of having to do everything for yourselves? In this modern era, there is no reason people should have to wipe their own butt. Now, thanks to innovative technology, you won't have to! Just a quick tap, and one of our starving drivers will scurry to your home and do the deed for you. Hungry? Take advantage of our two for one service offering, and order up some breakfast tacos which the driver will cheerfully bring with him to your home.
Feeling lonely? Make sure to add on a couple of kittens and puppies for your petting pleasure!

Note to drivers: do NOT use the kittens to wipe butts.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Next ad on the horizon:

UberButtWipe

People, are you tired of having to do everything for yourselves? In this modern era, there is no reason people should have to wipe their own butt. Now, thanks to innovative technology, you won't have to! Just a quick tap, and one of our starving drivers will scurry to your home and do the deed for you. Hungry? Take advantage of our two for one service offering, and order up some breakfast tacos which the driver will cheerfully bring with him to your home.
Feeling lonely? Make sure to add on a couple of kittens and puppies for your petting pleasure!

Note to drivers: do NOT use the kittens to wipe butts.
UberHooker
A ***** ho brought by a starving uber driver who will stick around to clean up the mess when you're done, and haul that ***** ho off to spread syphilis to some other unsuspecting fool. No need to tip the driver, a 5☆ rating is all he needs! *the hooker's rates are separate from the driver's, by all means tip the hooker!*
 

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UberSitter. Tired of your snot nose brats? Hire and Uber sitter. They will come and pick up your kids take them to the park, movies and any other kid appropriate venue. You children will be returned clean and fed. $5 an hr fee with a safe kid ride of $2 that the driver never see's. No Tipping needed but be sure to give the driver a 5 star once your kids are back home.
 

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UberSitter. Tired of your snot nose brats? Hire and Uber sitter. They will come and pick up your kids take them to the park, movies and any other kid appropriate venue. You children will be returned clean and fed. $5 an hr fee with a safe kid ride of $2 that the driver never see's. No Tipping needed but be sure to give the driver a 5 star once your kids are back home.
# BEGIN_AFFIRMATION
That is a good one. You are a genius. Everyone loves you. You are so smart you need a second deck in your vehicle for your brain.
# END_AFFIRMATION

This first one is free, I am still in beta test!!!!! :)

#UberDignity
 

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UberHooker
A ***** ho brought by a starving uber driver who will stick around to clean up the mess when you're done, and haul that ***** ho off to spread syphilis to some other unsuspecting fool. No need to tip the driver, a 5☆ rating is all he needs! *the hooker's rates are separate from the driver's, by all means tip the hooker!*
Sorry-LoneStar Cab already has that one! Lmao!!!
 
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