For the last year and a half, we have been screwing our driver-partners whom our management regularly refers to as losers, trash, and the like.
Because of our rate cuts to city bus fare levels, the demand has continued to grow. This has attracted the ideal uber clientele, people who never in their lives had even stepped foot into a car or a taxi, to commandeer brand new vehicles at the push of a button while being able to denigrate drivers without fear of repurcussions whatsoever.
Just because we can, we have been firing drivers left and right without any rhyme or reason. However, over time our management's arrogance and greed has grown to new heights. While we thought we were doing a really good job of indiscriminate driver deactivations here in Houston, they thought there was room for improvement. To satisfy them, we started cutting drivers' take-home pay while steadily increasing our share under various labels.
We have been diligently working to dissuade drivers, via above-mentioned measures, from busting their asses for us for peanuts. Nevertheless, we continued to find new losers who didn’t know simple math and were willing to gladly submit to regular lubeless penetration by us.
However, we have a huge problem now. Apparently, we have bitten the hand that was feeding us. We have fired too many good hard-working drivers for no legitimate reason and the existing drivers have caught up to our scam and are leaving us in droves.
To counter this problem, in our usual way of thinking outside the box, we have found someone else to blame for our horrendous business and management practices. In this case, we have decided to blackmail the city of Houston’s management.
Because the word has gotten out about our horrible treatment of drivers, supply of the usual, run of the mill, law-abiding losers willing to drive at unprofitable rates is dwindling. We would like the city to change the rules that we agreed to earlier to fit our current needs and provide us with preferential treatment over other law-abiding businesses. We are simply asking them to allow us to hire criminals and felons to ferry Houstonians around.
To get our way, we have threatened the city leaders that if our demands are not met, we’ll leave Houston. However, it appears that this time around, unlike other city managers, the mayor of the city of Houston is standing up to us.
We would like to assure you that we would continue to do the best we can to line our pockets with your hard-earned money. So please don’t be surprised if you see another email from us in the near future stating that we could not grow a pair and, for only this once, have agreed to play by the rules while our lawyers work tirelessly on finding creative ways to work around these rules.