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When I'm ready to go down in a ball of flames, I have a plan ready to go. I'm just going to put bat fins on my little black kia, buy a batman mask, and blast the batman movie theme. I'll pull up to the pax with the window down and say "get in, I'm batman!"
If you do that on Halloween you might even get tipped!
 

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Get a tip jar and poop in to it. Then go to Uber office and tell them they left this in your car.
I have a friend who once filled a jar with his own poop and then threw it onto the neighbors porch when he moved out.

Kids, you will need a jar with a secure lid.
 
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